Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Vital Bits

Been leaving vital bits out of conversations and posts recently. And I've been getting less out of my walkies and various other activities. It's this crap with my father and the effects it's having on my various ailments and my concentration.

F'rinstance, Suzanne pointed out that calling yesterday's Park's Bay walk 'Brisbane Water Walk #2' was a bit out of the blue.

When I was rabbitting on about my future walkies the other day, I totally forgot to say I'm counting the Woy Woy walk I just finished as Brisbane Water Walk #1.

Brisbane Water Walk #1 - Woy Woy peninsula - 1st March to 30th September 2005
Brisbane Water Walk #2 - Park's Bay - 3rd October 2005
Brisbane Water Walk #3 - destination undecided

Haven't started walking 19th century Sydney yet. I'm hoping to get started before the hot weather really sets in. This crap with my father has got to be brought under control so I can get back the energy to do it.

This crap with my father

The day after Gran's funeral he started ranting about how he had "power over you all". "You" being my aunts & uncles, me & my cousins and the "power" being the job of executor Gran left him with.

Gran's estate consists of one ordinary suburban house, a couple of thousand in the bank and her personal effects. There's no Picasso, no pot of gold hidden under the stairs, not much dollar value. The house has been sold and the proceeds split between her four kids, one of course being my father.

So he's got the money. But this isn't about money. For him it's about power. He's now delaying handing over the personal effects and the tiny cash bequest Gran left to her grandchildren. As soon as he hands that over his job as executor is finished and all this power he thinks he has is gone.

I want him replaced as executor. The job should go to his brother or sister. I want to go to a solicitor now and get him replaced and be done with it.

They're not thinking very clearly at the moment. No wonder. They've only just met the monster and they're still reeling. They met him the day after Gran's funeral. He's been like that as long as I've known him. As soon as the front door shut behind us, shutting the world out and shutting us in with him, out came the monster. No-one believed me. He was so nice and mild and pleasant on the public side of the front door. After a while I gave up asking for help.

My aunt and uncle are hoping for a peaceful resolution. One where my father comes to his senses and starts behaving like an adult. A reasonable expectation but it's just not going to happen. I've known the monster all my life and I know that this can only end in court.

Now they're starting to remember what he was like as a child. They're realising that he was always the monster and the pleasant behaviour he displayed as an adult was just a cover. It must be horrible for them to find out there's a monster still living in the family. But the sooner they remember who he really is the less damage he can do them and my cousins.


Suzanne said...

Just what you need - some yahoo 6000 miles or so away "pointing things out" :}

When my dad died, I was absolutely floored by all the people who wanted to tell me what a wonderful wonderful man he was - an absolute saint...I couldn't figure out who they could possibly mean. So I can relate to what you're going through with your dad. If it's any consolation, this too shall pass. Just keep in mind that you're not your father's keeper, and leave him to his siblings to sort out if at all possible.

(Just what you need - some yahoo on the other side of the planet giving you unsolicited advice!)

Spike said...


Bummer about the saint business with your father. Yep, it's exactly the same as with mine.

I'm past caring what else he does to fuck up his life. No doubt you and a few other of my visitors will know the feeling.

I want him replaced as executor because of what he's doing to my health. I'm going rapidly backwards after so much work getting better. I was doing pretty well when Gran died (not counting the flu & compared to how I had been).

Since he started all this crap I've been getting worse again and each flare-up has happened the same day he's made a fresh attack on my aunt and uncle or on me.

So far there's no permanent damage and as soon as he goes away I'll be back on the road to recovery. But going backwards for the sake of him has to stop. He could draw this out long enough to to put me back a year and affect my aunt's health again as well.

Pointing things out is fine. You're far enough away to see the big picture.

this too shall pass

It helps to be reminded sometimes.